Who you want her to be!

So I read this blog (http://lysaterkeurst.com/2012/01/i-dont-want-to-raise-a-good-child/)  from the Proverbs 31 ladies or one of them and let me just say...she described Maddison to a T! And it really put a lot of things in perspective for me about what we want for the girls! My prayers used to very much be please show me how to raise a GREAT child! I want Maddison and Molly to be amazing and up to their full potential! But after reading this I do realize I have been praying about this all wrong. I don't want to raise a great child I want to raise a child of God the way he wants them to be. I pray every night they become the amazing women of God they are meant to be and I'm sure through all the crazy things or the things that seem crazy, they are gonna throw at me in the end life will be ok and it will all work out! Things are the way God has intended them to be :) There are not such things as perfect kids or great kids as there are no such things are perfect parents. I just want to be the best I can be at being a momma and know that God has the rest under control! Life is never going to work the way we have planned it and well toddlers and babies are never going to act they way we hope most of the time either. But knowing God has it all under control makes me breathe easy and for that I am thankful!

What I'm missing in life...

Right now in my life one thing is missing and I am missing him! I know he is always with me, always there to pick me up, always there to encourge me, always there to love me, always there to talk, to listen, to answer, to guide, to show me how strong I really am, to protect me, to remind me, he just just and perfect! Ever since we have moved it's like he is on the back burner, not forgotten just not where he should be in my priorities of my life! With moving from Japan back to the USA, having a new baby, and just trying to get adjusted it's be crazy! However those are just excuses I know I have time! It's all about priorities and time management which I am horrible at! We haven't found a church but we haven't tried one either. It's hard to follow Koza! I miss that place like crazy! There is a church here by our house in Georgia that this Sundy I AM going to go to. I'm already finding out the service times and what not :) I have heard great things about it so I feel like its a great place to start. There is a MOPS group here just haven't gotten to attend yet. On the wait list! 3 is a popular age! I'm hoping to find a great bible study group here so far no luck but I'm not giving up. I started a study on my own "When Godly people do Ungodly Things" Beth Moore of course. I have it on my kindle. I miss my God although I know he has never been gone, I just haven't been making sure I meet him for our "us" time! I am ready for our time and I am thinking of where I'm going to fit it in. Might just have to get up way before the girls do! Anywho I just wanted to talk about my amazing God whom loves us all who sent his only begotten son to save us :) What can wash away my sins....NOTHING but the BLOOD of Jesus!

Nursing

When I found out I was pregnant with Maddison, I wanted nothing more than to breastfeed her. I wanted that bond and all the joys that come with it. However nothing about Maddison's birth and the days to follow went anything like I had planned it. Of course by the time I finally got to hold her she wanted nothing to do with breastfeeding so I pumped. Not even two weeks after she was born I broke out with a horrible rash and the ER doc said she couldnt have my meds so I had to pump and dump. We then put Maddie on formula and her little body had a hard time switching and of course I then found out she was able to have the meds I was taking the whole time and I just didn't have the heart to switch her back even though I know breast was best for her. I was totally ok with how formula went for her, she is a very smart almost 4 year old. I wasn't upset that she was on formula although I did get upset when women who were hardcore breastfeeders teach their other children that formula is fake milk and that fake milk is bad for babies...yes I had a 3 year old ask me one time while we were out why I was feeding my baby fake milk and her mommy thought it was funny! I however didn't! Breastfeeding didn't work for me that time and some people need to realize that! So when Molly was born I wanted to give it my all again and try to nurse her. I never thought she would be a champ at it like she is :) It felt like I was having a baby for the first time because it was all so different. Even though I had Molly as a c section too it was just all so different but I felt so accomplished that she was a strong nurser. And now it seems like there is such a big fuss with nursing in public. When we are out and my baby has to eat I feed her I do have respect for others that may not "like" it and I cover up but people still stare at me. As if I'm doing something horribly wrong or nasty yet that is what our "fun bags" are for! It's not acceptable for a woman to nurse her baby but yet women can walk around half naked and that is ok. It's seen as nasty, gross, should be done in a bathroom (Uh how gross to feed your baby in a public restroom) and so on! Even when I am covered up I still have people stare at me and then someone the nerve to ask me to go to a restroom. It took all I had to not go off on her and keep my cool infront of Maddison! I just don't understand why society views breastfeeding like this. I would NEVER say anything to any women feeding their child in the most natural way nor to anyone whose baby was on formula. There is nothing wrong with either! Why is ok for women to be sexy and wear almost next to nothing in public yet nursing not ok! People want nusring mothers to go to the restroom or out to their cars or some where hidden because it's gross! Anywho I'm a proud nurser and my baby is getting a huge so I'm doing something right! I don't judge those that don't breastfeed and so those don't judge me because I do :)

You INSPIRE me

I have never thought I'd be the one being told "You inspire me" rather I was the one that is always inspired by someone else! How ever the past few days I have been getting the most amazing messages from friends that have truly touched me and have made me really stop and look at myself in a very different way than I have in a very long time. I really loved myself in every aspect of my life until I packed on weight from being pregnant and I really gained a lot no matter what I did the first time...80 lbs to be exact! I felt horrible, upset, nasty, and all those other words used to describe yourself in a not so good way. I didn't know how Matt could even still love me, how he could even want to take me places, how he was not embrassed to be seen with me and have people realize I was his wife. I felt so ashamed of who I was. I never really fixed myself up, never fixed my hair, wore clothes that hid how "big" I was (and still am) I just was blah! I was on my way to losing this horrible weight and well God blessed us with another princess and even though I continued working out while preggo I still packed it on :( and I felt like I was stuck all over again! However this time around (postpartum) things are going in a different direction. Instead of waiting until I was 9 months postpartum to start working out and trying to lose weight I'm now 3 months and already on my mission! And today I had to special ladies post such amazing words about me that just motivated me even more! Things like "she did cross fit while preggers! I wish I had an ounce of whatever shes on! she inspires me!" and "It's because it's true. Too many people wear masks. You show your true self and that is very comforting. I don't feel like I hide who I am. I mean business. That is what is so appealing, you are who you are. You are a VERY inspiring person. Now I feel like I need to say you inspire me so Brandi doesn't take all the glory LOL." and "You look amazing! I admire you so much. Everytime I see you, you have a smile on you. You have such strength and ability to see the positive in everything." they all made me cry! I couldn't believe me, the person so unhappy with herself made others feel this way! I truly believe God was showing me I am beautiful and how I should love me in my own skin...whatever I don't like I have the control to fix it and right now I feel like I am on top of the world and that nothing can stop me now! I don't want to be skinny, I want to be healthy, I want to be strong, I want to make my husband proud of me (he has never said other wise and I am truly a blessed woman, Matthew loves me with all his heart, with all his soul and treats me as only a king would treat his queen! That man loves me!!!) I want to be able to keep up with my kiddos! I don't want to be the girl I used to be in highschool, I want to be the woman I am meant to be! That's hiding deep down in there pounding hard to get out!!! And with the love and support of my friends and my man she will be soon out! Because I inspire someone and someone inspires me!!!

Magical Mondays!!!

So I have decided to start doing "Magical Mondays" as a part of getting me to blog more which was one of my New Years Resolutions! Which speaking of New Year's resolutions I have a few this year that I am actually sticking to ^-^ I am going to lose my 50 lbs this year and I'm already on my way 5 lbs down! I want to run a marathon so I'm working on that, I have this whole year to train for it and what better place than Walt Disney to run one. I'm hoping that in Jan 2013 I can run the Walt Disney Marathon in Flordia :) I've always wanted to run one and had plans on running one in Japan but things just never worked out and well I need to face the fact that I always made excuses. But not anymore. I want to be healthy for my girls and for Matt. I'm also cutting out all the horrible things I used to eat and I'm already feeling great! We are liking living here in Valdosta. We are waiting on Matt's retraining to get approved so for now our future is a little up in the air. We could stay here for one of his jobs or they can move us again to somewhere he is more needed. I'm going to try a church this coming Sunday and I'm pretty excited about that. Matt always lets me find one before he jumps on in LOL we loved Koza in Okinawa so it's gonna be pretty tough to follow but I think the one I'm going to try will be great! I have heard amazing things about it from lot's of people here so that makes me happy! I have been missing being in God's house! I know he hears me and is with me and is not going to be upset I'm not at church but there is just something about being in God's house and I love the feeling!
On this "Magical Monday" the girls and I are going to be heading out for a nice walk and then taking them to the park! Matt is gone for two weeks so I'm trying to keep Maddison as occupied as possible. She misses him a lot and this is our first time with him gone that she really understands it. To me this Monday is magical because I get to watch my 3 year old play and use her imagination! I get to look in the eyes of my three month old as I'm holding her and can already see her love for me in her big ol eyes and then she smiles! LOVE! I'm so blessed!

Time to get caught up...

Well...let's just say a lot has gone on since I last posted in August! Leaving Okinawa so was hard on me! I feel like a huge part of my heart is still there and I'm praying God has it in his plan for us to return there :) These pictures were some of the last one's we took before we moved! They were on our 5th year anniversary! We spent our first 5 there in Okinawa!

I cried as we took off from Kadena, I cried while we were sitting at Iwakuni, I cried when we were at Yokota...and then when we got stuck in Seattle for 3 days I just slept LOL! Bless her heart she did great flying! I like to think she is like her momma and loves to fly! But as we all were she was wore out by the time we landed in Seattle.

The military flight was delayed leaving Okinawa which of course messed up everything else but we made it. Finally got to KY in September and spent about two weeks there. While there we enjoyed seeing friends and family and Matthew bought me a brand new car! I don't know what I did to deserve such an amazing husband but I'd do it all over again!!! Happy 5 years of the most amazing love to me!

We left Somerset and headed down to our new home in Valdosta, Georgia! We had a lot go on the first few weeks we were there, Matt getting inprocessed, finding a house, but the big thing was finding a doctor so I could have a baby!

Molly Elizabeth Blevins was born October 5, 2011 at 2:05 pm weighing 7 lb 7 oz and was 18.5 inches long. She was born at Smith NorthView Hospital in Valdosta, Georgia and she arrived 3 weeks early and Maddison was so happy to meet her sister! Once our HHG's finally arrived we started to really get settled! We celebrated our FIRST Christmas with Matt since 2007 and yes this was Maddison's first Christmas with him since she was born :) it was a great one! Now we are almost done with January 2012 and I can't wait to see where this year takes us!